Hi.

Hi there.




nice.


very very nice to see you again Ms.Sun.










:)

Hon?

hon?









i can't sleep...



could you sing a lullaby?

Cappucino.

who said "love is forever"





i don't love cappuccino anymore.



see?



i didn' even spell right.



sorry.







i don't love you anymore.



i have a new lover.



its name is espresso.

Oh look.

isn't this great.








Hey1 is smiling.






yes...


she is...

I want to.

i want to look good.



i want to giggle.



i want to smile.



i want to dance.



i want to wink.



i want to say "it's a great day!"



i want to shine like sun shines.



i want to be a guitar player.



i want to be lovable.



i want to be talkative again.



i want to keep singing.



i want to laugh endlessly.



i want to be a photographer.



i want to handle min.3 martinis on the rocks with lemon twist.



i want to get nicely brown soon.












i want to be fine.



i want to show that i'm 'Hey1' again.







'Hey1' who keeps giggling, laughing, smiling, talking.

Jesus.

where am i?




what am i doing?




what am i thinking?




why does my head feel so full?











jesus.



how the heck am i going to make other people happy



when myself isn't happy?




ha..





i'm pretty fucked...

Again.

there is 'nothing' that




time 'can't' change..

Being Adele.

Sunday.





it always feels like time flies.


but i guess it doesn't.


it has been only a week.






sadness.


always drowns in it.






grabbed guitar.


'thank you for your existence.'








'to make you feel my love'




when the sun was going down, could play it and sing.


for the first time, didn't want to accept the fact that could play the song.








sadness.. drowning...


let's embrace it. embrace the sadness.





finally can play our song but you are not there.


probably don't even want to be there.







called Shine.


tied phone on head with a scarf.


played guitar


and


sang.







embracing.



seems easier than drowning...

Worn journey.

i sit on a evening.


sniffing spring breeze deep


deep enough that my blood can have spring cells.



i see the world falling asleep.


i fade away like thin layer of paint.




air in every crevices.


freshness that is not hot from no possession.




world always has come low.


get's deeper.


winds building houses in every crevice and


tired words in early mornings.




and...


incurable sunlight on your shoulders..






a worn journey from roads to memory.

Last looks.

because we have a moment here,


let me tell you that


I have recently become a secret connoisseur of



'last looks'.






You know the way people look at you


when they believe it's for the last time?


i've started collecting these looks.






and i'm looking at one now..

Turning around.

sometimes, showing your back is just


hard.





not looking back


is





harder

Time.

You need time.




time for walking to the bathroom in the morning when you wake up,


time for traveling to the place where you need to be,


you press stop button when the end credit after movie is all showed.


even when the phone rings,


you start moving towards it when it rings for the fifth time.






that's why you need time.





maybe you insist on same space for loving as well.

As long as.

As long as I have my


camera, Goofy, coffee, tea,


guitar, cakes, friends singing along,


chocolate chip cookies, and music with me




I'm fine.

For 10 min.

Don't be in pain.





If you can't help it, then be in pain really bad just for 10 minutes.


When you try to shift your pain to someone else, he will also be in pain.




You disgorge yours because you think it won't hurt him.



When you do, his own pain can't breath anymore and will get doubled.

Sunday evening.

latte.

confusion.

website.

random people.

bit of sun.

chocolate ice cream.

sorry.

espresso.

3, 2, 1.. bye.

bye.



see you around.



sunday evening.

One way ticket.

"one way ticket to the Dream land


departs from Reality please"

How long

empty seats.



how long will it stay gray.

how long will it stay empty.

Snow

now that I think of it,


we never saw snow together.

we never walked on snow together.




our book is missing something.

something called, "snow"

One Day

One day,


we will just smile

we will just hug each other

won't say anything.



One day.

photo by Maurice Mikkers (www.mauricemikkers.nl)